personal space n. the variable and subjective distance at which one person feels comfortable talking to another.

May 16th, 8:07 am. I’ll call him Lou, the obese, boner-wielding ex-camp counselor, current insurance salesman pervert standing directly in front of you and way too close to you in your no-longer-safe zone. His smelly sweatpants are baggy in the wrong places and did I mention they are stained? Obviously the inertia of the jerking subway car is too much for his load “down front” and he can’t help but gyrate and hump up against your makeshift newspaper shield. Thank god for the thick celebrity gossip section and Super Sudoku or you may have had more than foam on your latte.