Hold v. to carry or support (the body or a bodily part) in a certain position

Have you ever seen one of those people who think they are too cool to hold on? They completely ignore those oversized aluminum carabineers of the hand rail genus. Then, like it does at every station, the train abruptly stops and they crash into innocent bystanders over and over again. Knocking them all over like bowling pins in the alley of public transit. Strike.

I don’t have a large enough number or digits to count how many of these jerks I see on the average 2-way commute working day. Sure there are the accidental bulls of Pamplona who rush the closing doors and gouge into the helpless victims with their sharp-angled briefcases. Sure there are the doofus’ who think they can swing reading a magazine AND standing balanced in the middle of the train. (You must have seen this: their legs spread-eagle as if strapped to a snowboard and you can just see their abdominal muscles flexing as they try to find their centre of gravity).

But compared to their counterparts, these geniuses can be excused. While they lack brains and logic, at least they are being productive. The bull of Pamplona is trying to get to work on time and the snowboarder is reading a magazine to learn about important things.

Now how about the true cretins of the underground? The commuters who have skateboards tucked into the crevice between their backpacks and spines and scraggly facial hair. Sometimes they have pitbulls and sometimes they have squeegies. They almost always wear doc martens. Their backpacks are usually bursting at the seams with text books or flyers ready to be goobered onto a smooth surface. They are usually ragamuffins. I saw one such skinhead this morning with his “I'd rather bleed with cuts of love then live without any scars “ tattoo running horizontally along his forearm. For the record, the forearm that was not extended upward so as to aid holding on to a hand rail. The emo’s victims are usually feeble and elderly or holding a bubbling hot cup of coffee. The brown geyser almost always ruins a white button down or silk blouse and this person is almost always on their way to an important board meeting.