Killing Time

So after 3 train delays last week which made me 1) tardy for a 9:00 am teleconference, 2) in desperate need of the toilet and several stops away from my home salle de bain and 3) extremely pissed off at the entire world in general, I decided it was time to cave and buy a book of crossword puzzles to pass the time.

My dad is an avid puzzler (he even has a encyclopedic help book which some view as cheating, but he never actually looks anything up when anyone is around to judge him for it - I inspected the spine - it doesn't even look like he's cracked the thing once). He just loves puzzles. All puzzles, the one in the back of the TV guide - even the toughies in The Sunday Times - those hard ones that would even stump Einstein. I remember getting some photocopied exercises back in elementary when my teacher was sick and we had a substitute. It was Thanksgiving time of year and along with a connect the dots cornucopia, I had been given a Harvest-themed crossword in the shape of a giant turkey. All the clues were to do with pilgrims and Stove Top stuffing. I got a perfect mark on it. I knew I had inheritied a gift. Think of the most odd, arcane, random tidbit of knowledge and my father can figure out 4 Down. I should mention that he gets this from my grandma who, along with smoking massive quantities of Virginia Slims and painting her talons a shimmery mocha peach, has done crossword puzzles her entire life.

As I paid my $3.50 for the JUMBO SUPERB CROSSWORDS - ALL THEME - I had high hopes that I had inheritied my relatives' Trebekian intelligence for obscure facts and rare synonyms and antonyms. ACROSS 1. Cotillion gal - 3 letters. STUMPED. FAILURE. I sat there for a good 15 minutes as the train stopped at Davisville due to signal problems. I looked around. Someone somewhere on this train was looking at me and judging me and my blank puzzle. I couldn't even get the first damned clue! Defeated already! I surveyed my co-commuters and no one was really paying attention so I peeked at the answers. This breaks the code of my anscestors, but as far as I knew they weren't on the train.

With DEB filled in 1 Across in nice, ballpoint block letters, I proceed to fill out the puzzle: Beekeeper's reward was easy. "Metamorphoses" poet? Well it wasn't Dante or Virgil, that left OVID which fit perfectly in the 4 boxes. I nearly finished the puzzle when I realized I had missed my stop.